the return.

I need an outlet.

I started this blog in March of 2009 when I was a senior at Keene State College, needing an outlet from the stress of online poker (which supplemented my income). However, I kind of faded away from poker and also faded away from the blog shortly after.

Fast forward to now .. skipping over a college graduation, a girlfriend or two, a couple of blackout nights (understatement), a plethora of dramatic losses from either the Red Sox, Bruins, Cowboys or Celtics .. and here I am. Still alive and kicking (which I am going to consider a great success).

From the outside looking in, I would say I have somewhat a successful life. I now have a full time job at Bank of America; a nice apartment with my girlfriend; an amazing bulldog puppy which I adore and good group of people which I would call my friends.

Why do I need an outlet? This evening while casually watching the Colts/Chargers game on NBC, I started looking through all my old photos on Facebook. Looking through the pictures of all the crazy, fun or stupid times that I had from age 18-23 .. it REALLY dawned on me. I will most likely never have that fun again. Am I over-reacting? Possible. Why did it take so long for me to realize this? Well, to be honest, I was well aware those "best days of my life" were behind me, but for some reason, it really hit me hard this evening.

Looking through those picture(granted most of which I don't remember being taken), really just made me miss all my friends who are states away; it really made me miss the "college lifestyle;" it really made me miss the lack of responsibility and just the desire to have fun. Everyone will say, this is the real world. Everyone will say, you need to grow up. I understand that. I know I can't live my life like I did when I was in college; however, it is the realization of that which is most painful of all and seeing all the pictures really just drove that point in more and more.

I feel like this is a feeling that everyone must go through after attending college and missing friends that one would see or talk to on a daily basis. Responding to it, is a tough task. Early in the summer, I most certainly went through this feeling and absolutely hit rock bottom in terms of emotional stress. However, I came out on the other side a stronger and different person. So this is merely a relapse, one in which I am capable of handling. Although, it does not make it any easier.

So, this is my outlet. This blog will most likely cover a slew of topics. Anyone who reads it and wants to comment, go for it. Not ever entry will be like this, I am sure of that. However, just like in life, it will have good times and it will have bad times.

random 3 am thoughts on life and whatever crosses my mind ..

Well first of all, I stayed in school. I finished the paper. I actually did really well on it, would have got a 90 if it was not late, but I got an 80 instead. The presentation which I whipped together last week on Monday morning for geography suffered a similar fate. I managed an 85 on it, but easily could have scored higher had I provided a works cited page (which I knew I had to) or I had dressed appropriately for the presentation (which I did not know, although I would have known if I read the presentation guidelines). This paper and presentation pretty much is a microcosm of my entire academic life. Had I not procrastinated to the last possible minute (and in the paper's case .. after the last minute), I would have either got As on both or damn close. This level of procrastination is nothing new. I remember my earliest case of procrastinating to be in fifth grade when we needed to make some fucking shoebox diagram thing depicting colonial life. Well the early procrastinator I was, I skipped doing it past the deadline. At this stage in life, teachers would phone home to parents which promptly lead to a stiff verbal lashing from Tena which undoubtedly probably resulted in some tears. She actually still cites this incident in conversations about the stupid shit I have done over my time (which is an expansive list and thank god she doesn't know it all). From there I slacked my way up to high school, where I pounded out Time Magazine projects the night before it was due, massive papers and passage commentaries in study halls the period before the english class it was due. But through it all, I was successful. But obviously, there were always those teachers (and my parents and ex-girlfriends) who said if I ever dedicated myself, I would have been an all A's student .. etc. etc. That is probably true, but let's face it ... school blows. In middle school I was to busy playing pickle, learning about breasts and making my first moves (especially in 8th grade). High school was much the same only aged, getting in as many long, committed relationships I could, hanging out with my buddies at all costs and doing the most stupid, random shit at the middle of the night. College I really blew the doors off procrastination mostly due to the giant X factor that is alcohol. But hell, it has been a fun ride.

So I hinted at my bomb weekend in my last post, and it certainly lived up to it's expectations. Friday was the first day of Spring Weekend and the weather was AMAZING! The guys and I bounced around from house party to house party (me carrying a 12er of Landshark because the weather forced me to do it). I went out without a ticket to the OAR concert that night, but amidst my travels I was able to acquire one. So with the 12 pack finished me and the guys headed the concert. Quite honestly, I was quite drunk and good memory of the concert is minimal. They did play "Crazy Game of Poker" as an encore, which is exactly what I wanted to hear. Afterwards, it was still relatively early considering how drunk I was, so Lord and I headed to the Equinox office to raise hell. Hell we raised, as Chicky and Booth were still in there. From there, we proceeded to convince Chicky to drive Lord and I around Keene to raise hell. We first stopped at the hot dog guy for some sick dogs. Afterwards, we decided we needed some Arnold Palmer's so we headed to Price Chopper. All the meanwhile, anyone on the street was game for me yelling at them. I also felt the need to lay on Chicky's horn whenever I felt necessary. So that night was a win.

The next day, I got up and got ready as fast as I could and headed to Bentley to meet Pooler and Roach for their Bentley's Spring Day, which was to be capped off by a Third Eye Blind concert, so I was naturally super stoked about that. So I got to Bentley around 2 or 2:30 I would say. Roach could not make it to about 4 or 4:30 .. so I caught up with Pooler, drinking a few Keystones and watching the NFL Draft. Once Roach got there, shit hit the fan tho. I proceeded to whip out the bottle of Jager which Roach and I promptly destroyed in the shortest amount of time. From there, we headed outside to hit up sick BBQ they were doing where I demolished a sweet pulled pork sandwich. From there we proceeded to the concert which was siiiick! This is the 2nd time I have seen 3EB, and they are one of the best. I was probably a lil more drunk for this one, so details are even less impressive .. but hey .. it was a blast. We also sent up Pooler twice for crowd surfing, which was sweet. After the show, we headed back to his room to devise a gameplan. This gameplan was the purchasing of a 15 pack of 16 oz Bud Lights. Completely sensible plan in my opinion. We headed to a party and finished all those before leaving. Obviously, we hit up a late night on campus joint with these nice mini pizzas. Roach was not satisfied with just the mini pizza, so he ordered some Chinese when we got back to the room.

After a solid sleep on Pooler's dorm couch ... we woke up and watched the 1st half of the Celts/Bulls game. After which, Roach and I headed back to his apartment in Boston. We both pretty much decided that drinking would be a terrible idea, so we both passed on that. We sweated out the extremely hot temperatures for April in New England and headed to Fenway for the Sox/Yankees game that night. The game was going along rather slowly until the Sox loaded the bases in the 5th. All of a sudden Fenway became alive when Ellsbury started steaming down the third base line in an attempt to steal home, which he successfully did which completely electrified the Fenway crowd. It was an amazing ovation, one in which entitled Ellsbury for a curtain call and giving me sick goose bumps. From there the Sox cruised to a 4-1 win.

All in all, what an amazing weekend! 2 sweet concerts, 1 amazing Red Sox game and a weekend full of some of my best friends. Being with your friends during a weekend like that definitely brings everything together.

With that said, I have quite a few friends on my mind right now. I am not going into details or anything, because I don’t feel comfortable doing so. But during this week and especially today, I have had a few of my friends who are going through some real tough times on my mind. It has been particularly rough today because I really do love my friends. It sounds cliché, but when my friends are suffering or going through a tough time, I feel as though I am too. I am really just hoping and wishing the best for all my friends in their times of need.

breaking news

I have decided that I am dropping out of school. I may be 18 days away from graduation but this paper (yes the one that was due on Monday) is pushing me over the edge. It is due in about 4 hours and 30 mins. Thankfully .. it has been started. But .. fuck my life. If I don't finish it .. yikes.

In other news, the Red Sox are awesome and I have the most bomb weekend lined up in the history of mankind. More information on that after I drop out of college.

ahhh school.

Holy santa claus shit ... school blows. I have a paper due in 14 minutes .. that is not started. Soooo Wednesday is looking like a good day to turn that in.

uhh .. sun is coming up ..

I suck at life and school. 5:40 am .. still awake .. no reason. FML.

the return.

I am still alive ... yup! Long pause from previous posts, but what are you going to do. I have a crazy busy life .. it is rough.

But I need to pick up from where I left off from at least. So whenever that hundred years ago was ... I went to Mohegan Sun on a senior class trip couple Saturday afternoons ago. I met up with my cousin and my sister for lunch at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville .. which was awesome. I had a real good time catching up with them, as well as reminiscing about the good 'ol days. Munching down a 'cheeseburger in paradise' while sipping on a nice cold beer also was delicious.

After that, I headed to the poker room for my first casino poker experience, which was pretty damn fun. I unfortunately came out losing $24, which really could have been worse. I was up about to about $280 after starting with $200 playing $1/$2. I was lucky enough to have a few good cards/flops early including QQ and A8ss. But really, after that .. I went on a sick card dead run. In live play, that really sucks because you play way less hands than you do online. I was down quite a bit at one point with some mistimed bluffs and some unluckiness, but word. I mostly got back to even before the end where I played a few more hands because I knew I was leaving soon, so that resulted in losing that $24. But whatever, it was fun and free 7+7s is always nice.

Upon returning back to Keene, I attended a party thrown by a bunch of friends of mine. This was not an ordinary party however. One had to be invited and one had to throw down $20 to attend. Why? Three words. Kegs and Strippers. Yup. 2 kegs and 3 strippers for $20. That is a bargain. Was it awesome? Yes. Did I get my first real lap dance? Yes. My other 'lap dance' in Montreal was more of a raping ... but that was fun as well. But the party was sick, as one may imagine. Whole lotta dudes, but the girls that were there (in addition to the entertainment) were more into it than the guys I think.

But anyways, that weekend was obviously a little out of the norm ... but damn it was fun. Last weekend, Roach made a Keene appearance, so that was a real good time. We did the normal, drinking a ton, hitting every bar we could .. so a little more in the norm.

Other than that .. I have been really just trying to get through school. I did just complete a really cool video for a great cause. The Keene State Rec Sports is holding a fund raising event for a child named Constantine who lives in Keene and whose parents are both Keene High graduates. Constantine was born with type II spinal muscular atrophy. Keene Rec Sports is holding a 8 hour cycling event in which all money raised will be donated to Constantine, as well as another organizaiton helping famalies with children with SMA. Please check out the video at least and if you want to partcipate or do anything to help let me know, or reach the contact at the video. If nothing else, check out the video and let me know what you think!


Ride For Constantine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAjEjCfwbVw

the weekend.

Well I managed to get through another week of school. First week back from spring break is usually a tough one, and this was no exception. I put minimal effort into anything school related as I really did not care too. But hey, we got through it and I even got an 82 on a geography exam. We'll take it.

In terms of my life, I am coming off a wicked poker bender I endured last night. I had to work until 11, so I did not partake in the usual Thursday college night activities (i.e. drinking heavily at club night). I decided coming back, watching Duke and Memphis get smoked and playing a ton of poker was the safer way to go. By the way, with Memphis losing my bracket is completely fucked as they were my national champs, so fuck me. But anyways, back to poker .. I played straight from about 12 am until 7 am I think it was. Mixed results, although I did take third in a $4.40 180 for $86. So that covered all my other tourney expenses and then some. I made a deep run in a $3 MTT, which I actually at one point fell asleep in. But oh well, positive gain on the early morning poker bender.

In more potentially poker related news, I am going to Mohegan Sun on Saturday for the day with the Senior Class. I have been doing some research online and they run $1-$2 cash games, which I will most undoubtedly be sitting in on. This would not have been possible, but I got a online poker cashout extra fast for some reason, so not only can I pay my bills, but I can own Mohegan hopefully. I am going to be meeting some family in the area, as well as possible my sister who lives in Mass. at the casino for lunch, so that should be a good time. We are only going to be at the casino from like 1-5 which is kind of weak, but it all works out because a couple of my friends are hosting a FABLOUS sounding party on Saturday night. That is all I am going to say about that for now, as it is a invite only party and I don't want to bust their spot. But I'll certainly have some details on Sunday or Monday and they should be crazy ...

But for now, I actually have to do some stuff, which blows. I gotta go finish getting some shots for this commercial I am making for the Equinox. Thankfully, it is a beautiful day out so it won't be to bad out there. After that I may be hitting up happy hour or heading over to Matty D's with Conner for beer die all day. <3 college life.